If I Never See You Again
by xxmariel
Summary: Booth has to disappear again, making everyone think he's dead except for Brennan. He leaves her to pick up the pieces, and wait for his return again.
1. Prologue

Summary: Booth has to disappear again, making everyone think he's dead except for Brennan. He leaves her to pick up the pieces, and wait for his return again.

Disclaimer: Bones and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to FOX and the people who created the wonderful TV show.

**A/N: Hello everyone. I wanted to share this fanfic I wrote last year. I originally posted some of it on the BY, but then I had a terrible year and didn't get to finish posting, plus my hard drive died for like the 5th time (I suck with computers apparently) and I didn't think I could save the story! Well I just found it on an external HD, so I'm hoping to finish it this time. It's not very long chapter-wise, just to warn you (less than 10 chapters), and I'm still working out some of the ending because I'm not completely satisfied with it (ahghgghghgh)… but hopefully you'll enjoy this first part! I'll try to update frequently, but as you all know real life can get in the way sometimes so no promises, but I'll do my best.**

**This story gets a bit AU… you'll see what I mean. I hope the prologue is not too confusing. And I hope my summary didn't suck. Oh well.**

**Okay I'm rambling, but here's the prologue… Thank you for reading, and please review and let me know what you think (I'm nervous!)!**

IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN

Prologue

It started with tears. He never meant to cause her pain.

"Bones, please, stop crying." If he'd known keeping his promise would hurt her, he never would have kept it. Seeley Booth, a man of honor, would rather die than see Temperance Brennan in pain.

He loved her.

"But you're dead!" Her response was almost a growl, and he could feel the anger radiating from her very being. She began pounding her fists into his chest furiously, and he let her. He deserved it. A few moments later, when she had exhausted herself, she collapsed into his arms. He held her gently, rocking her back and forth and burying his face in her auburn hair. He listened to her cry, and felt her body shudder with every sob. Each one broke his heart.

He pulled back, content to be staring into her moist blue eyes.

It started with tears, but then came the flood. The dam broke as soon as their eyes met. Desperately, she reached up and roughly grabbed his hair, pulling his lips to hers. He froze at first out of shock, but then responded to her hungry kiss. Their tongues dueled sweetly and passionately.

He did not expect her to pull back anytime soon, but she did. She stumbled back into her kitchen, touching her tingling lips with her fingers as if she had been just as surprised by her actions.

"Get out." The growl returned. He would have refused, but four years with Temperance Brennan told him to stay. Four years with such an infuriating, fiery, and deeply troubled woman told him to be the one constant in her life. He had silently vowed to never leave her if he could help it, and tonight he had every intention of tearing down the walls she'd carefully constructed around her heart.

"Bones…"

"I told you to leave, Booth!" She was livid, he could see that. But she was also confused and hurt.

"I could never leave you, Bones. You must know that." His voice was low and soft, conveying the care he felt for her. She never was good at reading people or understanding double meanings. She seemed to sense the change in his emotion this time, however. He could tell by the way her shoulders slumped and how her voice trembled when she said,

"I don't believe you."

"What?"

"Come on, Booth. I had to go to your funeral for the second time today. The first time I promised myself I'd never let myself get hurt again. Somehow, I broke that promise when you walked back into my life again. The second time…" Her voice broke and he moved to embrace her, but she backed away.

"The second time, today, I promised that I'd never forgive… myself." Booth's eyes darkened.

"What's that supposed to mean, Bones?" She shook her head, but continued.

"I lost so much time with you, Booth. Because I was scared that I'd lose you again. I didn't think I was actually right… that I'd have to go to your funeral again so soon. If I'd have known.. I would have told you how I feel. I would of course have first let you know how utterly irrational it is… but I think it's what you call love."

Booth stared at her for a long time, and for a while the only noise reverberating through her apartment was her quiet sobs.

"Booth… please-"

"Bones, I'm not going to leave you, no matter what you say. You can't just admit that and expect a person to leave. God… Bones if I'd known you felt that way, I… I just wish things were different." He faltered when he saw her … laughing? "This isn't funny, Bones."

"No, Booth, I was actually going to ask you to stay."

"Oh." He grinned then too, but then reality hit him with full force and his expression grew somber again. "Bones, we have to talk. I have to explain the situation to you."

"Can it wait? Aren't you supposed to carry me to the bedroom and do away with me or something? I just professed my undying love to you," she smirked.

"As proud as I am of you making a joke… we really do need to talk." He walked over to the couch and patted the spot next to him.

"Pop a squat, Bones." She wrinkled her nose and sat next to him.

"I'll never understand the way you speak, Booth."

"Well consider it even then, Ms. Squinty-pants."

"I'm wearing a skirt, Booth." He gulped. Of course he'd noticed that. She didn't need to remind him.

"I have to go into Witness Protection for a while." There. Blunt as could be, just the way she liked it. That didn't make it any more comforting though.

"Booth-"

"Shh, let me finish, Bones. You can't tell anyone I'm alive. Not Angela, not your father, not Hodgins or Sweets… NO ONE can know that I'm alive." He paused, and she nodded slowly. "These guys are bad news, Bones… I can't tell you much about them… only that if they know I'm alive, then no one I know is safe." His tone softened. "You're the only one who knows about this, Bones… I couldn't break my promise to you, no matter how dangerous it is.'

"Parker-"

"Thinks I'm dead. And as much as it pains me to do this to him, I know it's for the best."

"When are you leaving?" Booth sighed.

"Let me explain…. I still might be here. I'm laying low for a while, and then working undercover to help take down the guys faster. But I can't let anyone know I'm alive. I can't go out in public…" He sighed again. "It's going to suck." He looked up to see Brennan's eyes full of tears.

"Please don't cry again, Bones."

"Booth… I don't like this at all." He immediately took her in his arms.

"Me neither, Bones, me neither. But it's the safest thing to do." She pulled back and saw the pain and sincerity in his eyes. She wanted to make his hurt go away, she wanted him to feel safe. Acting on impulse, she leaned forward and touched her lips to his again. Gradually, things grew heated. He began to feel his way up her shirt, and she abruptly stood up, leading him to her bedroom.

Once there, she kissed him again. Their hands explored each other's bodies as he lowered them to the bed. He blindly felt his way down to her pants zipper, and paused.

"Bones… I…"

"Please, Booth. I … I love you." That was all the assurance he needed. He kissed her again on the lips sweetly, and then pulled back.

"I love you too, Bones. You're so gorgeous."

They made love through the night, twisting in the sheets and finally collapsing into each other's arms. His arms encircled her waist, pulling her close to him as she slept. He could not fall asleep though. He stayed awake through the night and early morning, content to just hold her while his emotions conflicted in his head.

By sunrise, he was getting nervous. He untangled himself from her and dropped a kiss on her head. She stirred and mumbled in her sleep,

"Wassat for?" He smiled sadly and slipped through her front door.

"For if I never see you again."

**Please review!**

**love, m**


	2. Chapter 1

**Again, thank you all so much! Yeah, as I said, this story's going to be pretty angsty, but stick with it! It'll all be resolved. Don't worry. Here's Chapter 1. Time jump!**

CHAPTER 1

She hadn't seen Booth since that night. Though she couldn't explain it rationally, somehow she knew he was safe, and that he'd come back to her. Somehow, she knew she would feel it if he were dead.

That didn't make things any easier.

She hadn't been eating right. Angela constantly brought her meals and offered to take Brennan to the diner, but it just didn't feel right. Eating was something she didn't have time for. There were other things on her mind.

The FBI gave her a new partner. He was a slimeball and a horn-dog, and she knew Booth would have a fit if he knew Cullen had paired Agent Sanders with her. After the fifth month of tortures that included dodging Agent Sanders' advances and frequent late nights doing paperwork by herself in a lonely apartment, she was miserable. She had put in three requests for a new partner, but each had been denied. In the end, she quit field work, and stayed in the lab. Agent Sanders said that it was "where she belongs." She broke his nose.

It was eight months after she had seen Booth when she realized how utterly monotonous and depressing her life had become. She sat alone in her office, surrounded by files of paperwork and an empty calendar, save for a few work meetings.

"Bren, Sweetie, have you eaten dinner yet?" She looked up at Angela with sullen eyes. This was a routine that had gone on for the past 8 months. Usually she would lie and say she'd eaten, and then shoo Angela out of her office. However, tonight she wanted a change.

"I miss Booth," she blurted out. Booth was an unspoken name in the lab. After the first two months of grieving, it was just too painful to bring him up anymore.

"Oh, Sweetie," Angela rushed over to her as she began to cry. "Bren, it's okay. We all do," she hugged her best friend's head to her chest. "Let it all out." Once her friend's sobs subsided, Angela pulled back.

"Bren," she hesitated. "I think it's time for you to move on. And before you say anything, I would never ask you to forget Booth. That's not what I mean. Just… think of what he'd say if he were here. You need to live, Sweetie. And I don't mean working 18 hours a day. Have some fun… just…" she trailed off and looked at her friend whose face had gone pale. "Bren, are you listening to anything I'm saying? What's wrong?" She looked on in shock as Brennan's shoulder's slumped and she vomited over the edge of her chair.

"Oh… God…" Brennan moaned. "I… Angela it hurts." She was shaking now.

"What hurts, Bren?"

"My…" she clutched at her stomach and tried to stand up abruptly, but only collapsed onto the floor. The chair in which she had been sitting in was covered in blood.

"Brennan! Sweetie, please… Oh God." Angela immediately ran out her office door into the lab. "Someone, please, call an ambulance!" Cam ran toward her.

"Angela, what happened?"

"Brennan, she just collapsed, and she'd bleeding… I don't know what's wrong…" Cam rushed in to find the forensic anthropologist on the floor, barely conscious and writhing around. She kneeled down and steadied her.

"Dr. Brennan, help is on the way, don't worry." Angela stood back with her hand over her mouth, crying softly in disbelief.

"Where's the blood coming from?" Cam tore open Brennan's lab coat searching for the wound. She gasped as she saw Dr. Brennan's stomach. It was swollen from pregnancy.

**Please, please, please review!**


	3. Chapter 2

Whoa, sorry about the wait between chapters. Things got pretty hectic this summer. I've been working at a summer camp with a bunch of awesome 6 year olds and sleeping in my free time. Haven't even been playing much music! So I apologize for not updating this story… but things are winding down… and I'mmm baaaacckkk!

Thank you so much for all the reviews! They really do encourage me and I appreciate all of your kind words.

Anyway, I'm rambling! Here's Chapter 2! Enjoy… and don't cry (every little thing… is gonna be all right)! Please enjoy.

CHAPTER 2

Brennan drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night. Finally, she began to come to when she heard a baby's cry. She didn't open her eyes yet, but she felt someone's hand grasping hers.

"Don't worry, Sweetie. Everything's going to be okay. Just open your eyes." She did, and she saw Angela at her bedside.

"What happened?" Her throat was dry and scratchy. Angela reached for a cup of water and helped her friend drink it.

"You collapsed… there was so much blood. You hadn't been taking care of yourself, Sweetie," she hesitated and added, "or the baby." She watched as Brennan's face paled. Her hands immediately flew to her stomach. It was flat.

"Where is… the baby? Did.. did it die?" she asked quietly, her voice trembling. She would never forgive herself if this was the case. Booth would never forgive her.

Angela smiled sadly. "No, Sweetie, your daughter is just fine. A little underweight… well… very underweight, but she's going to be okay. Would you like to see her?" Brennan nodded carefully with wide eyes. "Yes, please."

Angela called for the nurse and they sat in silence for a few moments. She's really gorgeous, Bren. She's got your eyes and your cute little nose… her chin is yours too. But she has this familiar facial structure. And a mass of dark brown hair…" She paused. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie. I… I know she's Booth's." Brennan drew in a sharp breath and smiled sadly.

"Yes, yes she is." Angela sighed sympathetically.

"You know I'm always here for you, right? You won't have to go through this alone. And… I know… he's here with you too." Brennan gasped.

"He… he is?" Angela looked at her strangely and nodded, placing a hand over her friend's heart.

"Right here. And he will always be watching over you and that little girl, no matter what you believe." Brennan exhaled quickly.

"I know he is. Thank you, Ange." The nurse came in then, wheeling a basinet.

"Would you like to meet your daughter?" Brennan nodded but hesitated.

"What if I hurt her… or break her? I'm going to be a terrible moth-"

"No you won't, Bren. Just… just hold her carefully and let her know you love her. You're going to be a great mother, Sweetie. This little girl is so lucky to have you." She took the baby from the basinet and held her out to Brennan. Brennan gasped as she lowered her into her arms. Angela was right. The baby was gorgeous. She had clear blue eyes and a large tuft of dark brown hair that made her eye color even more striking. She had a cute little nose and Brennan's chin… but her facial structure was all Booth's. Brennan cradled her to her breast, instinctively rocking her back and forth. She couldn't help but smile lovingly. Her daughter was the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen. She instantly knew that she'd do anything to protect her and care for her.

The baby's eyes fluttered shut after a few moments of rocking.

"Look at that, Bren. She's such a peaceful baby. She's already taken to you. You put her to sleep so easily. You're going to be a great mom." Brennan just stared at her daughter.

"She's so… perfect Ange. I can't believe I…" she choked back a sob. "I can't believe he's gone."

"What's her name?"

"I want to call her Meline. Meline Seelia Booth."

Review my lovahhhs!


	4. Chapter 3

**a/n: Wow, first off, I am so so sorry about being the world's most terrible updater. To be honest, I gave up on Bones. It's a crime, I know, but I was so sick of the writers jerking me around, and I really wanted B&B to just jump each other already and make babies. Sooo… I got addicted to Castle. Which I highly recommend. And then I started a Castle fic, which I am really proud of and I think is a lot better written than this fic (but I wrote this fic in high school so there's an inevitable improvement based on… the theory of age evolution or something that sounds cool like that). If you like Castle or want to, I'd love it if you read that fic of mine too! More info on that in my profile. I just posted the first chapter tonight. It's wayyy longer than this fic.**

**But after returning to this site I felt bad for being the world's most terrible person / updater, so even though my heart's not in this story (I have to be honest), it's finished so I WILL post it if anyone wants to read it!**

**So here's Chapter 3.**

**Thank you so much for putting up with me, and prease review!**

Chapter 3

"Mommy, help!" she heard her daughter's squeals. "Help me!" Chuckling to herself, she watched as "Uncle Jack" mercilessly tickled Meline's tummy. Her daughter's laughter quickly and suddenly transformed into a look of annoyance, and in a swift move she ducked out of Jack Hodgins' grasp and kicked him in the shins.

"I told you to stop, Uncle Jack, and you didn't listen!" Jack keeled over, clutching his leg.

Brennan immediately leapt into action, swooping the five year old up into her arms.

"Meline! What did I tell you about causing bodily harm to other people? Is that a very nice thing to do?" The little girl shook her dark auburn curls and looked up at her mother with big, blue eyes.

"Noooo… but you said if I was scared then I could kick someone and run away, and Uncle Jack scared me. I thought I was gonna pee my pants!" Forcing herself to bite back a laugh, Brennan ruffled her daughter's hair.

"'Lina, I believe I meant if a _stranger_ scared you, and you thought he was a bad man, _then _you could kick him. But we don't kick Uncle Jack, okay?" Meline nodded dramatically and flashed a charm smile, stunning her mother momentarily so she could wriggle out of her grasp and run off to play with the other children.

"Damn, Dr. B… your daughter can _kick._ Are you sure she doesn't want to play soccer?"

"I'm so sorry, Hodgins. She's been fussy all day. She should know better… and yes, she told me she wants to take Karate instead of soccer. She said soccer is for wimps." Hodgins laughed at that.

"She's a feisty one. She said the same thing about my flesh eating beetles," he feigned a look of hurt. "Nothing fazes that kid. Bobby told me the other day that she was his hero because she's so brave."

"Yes, well your son exhibits a strong dependence on Meline. And he has a strong emotional approach to problems that arise during his social interactions with others."

"Dr. B…. did you just call my son a cry baby?"

"I'm sure he'll grow out of it," she added hastily. "Oh look! The food's ready." She scampered off to Angela and Cam, who were bringing out plates full of hot dogs, burgers (boca burgers for Brennan and Meline), salad, and corn on the cob.

"Okay, everyone, dinner is served!" Angela hollered, and they watched as Bobby, Meline, and Hodgins ran to the table, tripping over each other.

"Looks like the kids are hungry," Cam snorted. Angela stepped in to take control.

"We can all eat after we discuss a few things," she chastised Hodgins reaching for the food.

"As you know, we are not only having the annual Lab Barbeque today, but we are also celebrating someone's birthday."

"Meline's!" Bobby yelled.

"Exactly," Angela smiled at her son. "So save room for some cake and pie. Okay, let's eat."

The dinner went by uneventfully, with everyone chatting amongst themselves. It was a small group of people: Angela, Cam, Hodgins, Brennan, Sweets, and the kids, but they had grown to be a close-knit group after Booth had died. They had learned to lean on each other over the years, and considered themselves family.

"Okay, Meline. Time to make a wish!" Brennan exclaimed as she placed the colorful cake on the table. "It's the big number 5!" Meline blew out the candles successfully, and then beamed at her mother for approval.

"Good job, Sweetheart. Now here's your piece, birthday girl."

Angela came up behind her.

"Can you believe she's five already?" she asked, smiling with a subtle hint of sadness.

"No… it seems like yesterday that…" she trailed off, and found her walls coming back up to block Angela out. "She's growing into a good student. She already knows how to read up to at least a 3rd grade level, and her social interactions are improving. She likes to play sports, and ride her bike, and soon she'll start taking Karate."

"It's okay to talk about him, you know," Angela said quietly.

"Who?" Brennan asked, and she was met with a moment of silence.

"I think you know who I'm talking about." They were interrupted by a cry from Bobby. He lay on the grass, clutching his leg and sobbing.

"What happened?" Angela asked as the two women ran over to him.

"Meline kicked me! HARD!" he scrunched his face up.

"Meline!" Brennan exclaimed. "_What_ did I _just_ tell you not to do!" But when she reached out to turn her daughter toward her she saw tears streaming down the little girl's face. Instantly she paled.

"What's wrong, Sweetie?" Meline never cried in public. "What happened?"

"He said my wish wouldn't come true."

"What?" Meline took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped furiously at her eyes.

"He said that because I told my wish, it wouldn't come true." Brennan and Angela exchanged glances.

"Oh, I'm sure it will come true, Honey," Angela offered. "What did you want? A new bike? I'm sure your mom probably got you one or will. Did you want a pony or something? Because I'm not sure about that one… I mean…."

"I want my daddy to come back." The field was silent save for Meline's sobs. Brennan recovered a few moments later and opened her arms. Immediately, her daughter fell into them, and Brennan rubbed soothing circles on her back. She wished she knew what to say, but she was speechless. She hadn't heard from Booth since that night almost six years ago. She didn't even know if he _was_ still alive… so she hadn't been lying to Meline, right?

"It's okay, Baby. Your daddy loves you… but he's in heaven, remember?" She hated herself for lying to Meline, but it was for her own safety… right?

"But he's not in heaven, Mommy… he's not!" Brennan's face fell.

"I don't know what you mean…"

"I heard you talking to him!" The lab had started to gather around them.

"Meline, I promise you, I haven't talked to your Dad since the day he…" There. She hadn't lied.

"Since the day he what, Brennan?" Angela asked in a soothing tone. Brennan opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Angela was a people person, and she could read her friend like an open book. She looked at her, expectantly.

"He-"

"He died, Brennan. Say it." Angela began to lose her patience. All the years of pent up grief, tears, and anger flooded her at that moment. "Say it and I'll believe it."

"Ange…"

"No, Brennan. Meline's right… I have heard you talking to him too. You talk in your sleep… about a lot of things."

"But I haven't talked to him! I haven't had contact with him in almost six years," she protested. However, Angela saw what was lingering between the lines. She backed up into Hodgins' chest, covering her mouth with her hand.

"You lied to me, Brennan."

"Ange, please, not here," she motioned to Meline, but her friend paid no attention.

"You lied to _all_ of us. You made us think he was dead.. and we pitied you. I should have known." She paused, and looked down at Meline, who was clinging to her mother and looking up at Brennan with big, confused blue eyes.

"You lied to that little girl."

"No, he's gone, I didn't do anything wrong!" But it was no use. Angela crossed her arms and smirked.

"Then look into your daughter's eyes and tell her her father's dead." Brennan began to feel light headed. The whole world spun around her, and she couldn't tell if she was lying or sitting on the ground. She could feel Meline squirming in her lap, and then she passed out.


	5. Chapter 4

**Okay, I'll continue for you guys. And I'll try to update quickly. This is a short story though, so it's actually half way over with this chapter… just to warn you. But thank you for your kind reviews! I really appreciate every single one of them, and would love it if you could review this chapter too! Thanks! m**

**Chapter 4**

She often dreamt of him after a particularly grueling case. She'd converse with him in her dreams. Sometimes they talked about the weather… other times they discussed hockey, or Meline.

Once they discussed the situation they were in. He was holding her in their bed, both of them naked beneath the red cotton sheets. She traced designs on his chest, and he stroked the hair on her head.

"_I'm sick of this… living in fear. And you…. not living at all," she had confessed, not bothering to look up at his reaction. Even after their one night together, and even though she was dreaming, she was still shy. Everything still seemed new to her, after all these years._

"_It will be okay, Bones," he assured her. "I'll always be with you… I'll always watch over and protect you." She snorted._

"_That sounds cheesy. But it's oddly comforting."_

"_Oh, so that's what Seeley Booth's profession of his undying love for Temperance Brennan is," he chuckled, flipping onto her and tickling her sides as she squirmed._

"_Cheesy but oddly comforting? Come on, Bones. Not everyone has a way with words like you do." He stopped tickling her and leaned down to kiss her cheek and then whisper in her ear._

"_The only other words I can think of right now: I love you." He smiled shyly."I know that may not be enough, but I am also offering my entire heart and soul to you, Temperance Brennan. I love you."_

_She sighed and licked her lips._

"_I love you too, Seeley Booth. Please come back home."_

"Dr. B." Her dream was shattered as Hodgins gently shook her shoulder.

"Please, come back home, Booth," she mumbled, and slowly opened her eyes. "Where's Meline?" She sat up suddenly, and felt a rush of blood throw her off balance.

"Cam took her back home. You've been out for a while." She noticed he was avoiding her eyes. She looked around and saw the field was empty except for Hodgins and Sweets.

"Angela?"

"She went home too…. pretty distraught. Understandably."

"Totally," Sweets added, also avoiding Brennan's gaze.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Finally, Brennan pushed herself up off the ground and dusted off her skirt.

"I've got to get home… take care of some things."

"Yeah, the shit's gonna hit the fan tomorrow," Hodgins said bitterly. Brennan winced.

"I don't know what that means."

"It means you're screwed. We're all pretty pissed at you right now. Did Cullen know about this too? Talk about conspiracy." He took her arm and led her to her car in the parking lot.

"No!" she insisted. "I mean… he probably did, but I wasn't even supposed to know. Booth is in danger. There are people trying to hurt him and everyone he cares about. You can't tell _anyone._" She started the engine. Hodgins and Sweets stood awkwardly to the side of the car. "Look, I'll explain everything… but it's going to have to wait until tomorrow. It's Meline's birthday, and she's already upset enough." Hodgins nodded.

"She's upset, Dr. Brennan? Is that really why you don't want to discuss this now… or are _you_ upset?" Sweets cocked his head. "You really shouldn't bottle up your emotions. After all these years…. it's totally unhealthy. Didn't I teach you or Booth anything?" Brennan paused and then put her car in reverse, pulling out of the spot furiously.

"I refuse to be in another one of your experiments, Sweets," she yelled out the window. "So don't even think about trying anything." She sped off, tires squealing.

"Dude," Hodgins said to Sweets. "You're scared."

"I am not!" Sweets protested.

"Dude… it's 85 degress outside… and you're shaking."


End file.
